


Shameless and Obscene

by sbdrag



Category: Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool (Comics), Marvel, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen, X-Force (Comics), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: 1800s America, Breaking the Fourth Wall, But REASONS, F/M, M/M, Steampunk, mainly because so few problems would happen if nate had telepathy, no powers, not particularly good ones, pride and prejudice au, there are reasons for this idea, which kind of spoils the story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2018-05-30 22:39:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6445102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sbdrag/pseuds/sbdrag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Providence, Rhode Island. March 1815. The War of 1812 has just ended two months prior, and steam power has taken off since the first practical steam powered ship in 1807.</p><p>The Wilsons are a country family living in the area surrounding the city. They are reliant upon the income of the oldest son, Wade, to keep them on their feet after the death of Mr. and Mrs. Wilson. The other siblings are three girls, the eldest being of a marriageable age. It also includes Wade’s young daughter, Ellenor.</p><p>The Summers family has a hand in almost every business in Providence - they have made their fortune in management of wise investments. Scott Summers is welcoming back his son, Nathan, who became an officer against his father’s wishes.</p><p>tl;dr The American steampunk Pride and Prejudice Cablepool AU that literally no one asked for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Volume the First, Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so. I said in the tags there were reasons for this story, and there are.
> 
> I was thinking of making a follow up to my story Dick Pics called "Obscene", which was going to be more relationship building and focus on Wade being uncomfortable with affectionate PDA.
> 
> And while I was thinking about it, I was thinking about how shameless!Nate is my absolute FAVORITE.
> 
> And then I thought, maybe I should call is "Shameless and Obscene", since Nate is shameless and Wade is obscene. Hey, that's kind of like how Pride and-oh.
> 
> OH.
> 
> And this fic was born. 
> 
> How this is going to work: I read a chapter of P&P, then I write a chapter of S&O, referring back to the P&P chapter. We'll see how that actually works, since I don't think this story will necessarily follow the same track. It's already pretty far off the mark - more inspired than based off of.
> 
> Anyways, how ya'll enjoy.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

Even if that man were to be known as a pariah to his family, and only recently returned to their neutral graces, this truth was so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered the rightful property of one of their daughters. In such a location where the family in question is well established and highly respected, even more so.

“Mr. Wilson,” the blind housekeeper Albert said to him one day, “have you heard that the Netherfield Estate is let at last?”

Mr. Wilson replied that he ‘couldn’t give a rat’s ass’.

“I know you just returned from the war and all,” returned she, “but you could at least try to _act_ like a gentleman when you’re at home.”

Mr. Wilson made no answer.

“Could you at least _pretend_ to be interested in what I have to say?”

“If I say no, are you going to keep talking anyways?”

This was invitation enough.

“Why, yes, I am, Mr. Wilson. Because I have been here, taking care of your sister, and your cousins, _and_ your daughter, while you got to go off and play hero in wars all over the nation and across the sea. You returned from this last war with two idiots in tow that I have to watch more than the children. I am blind, I am tired, and a rich young man has just bought an expensive house and is moving in by the end of next week.”

“... what is his name?”

“Guthrie.”

“I am guessing what you want me to ask here is if he is single or married?”

“No. I expect you to pull your head out of your ass and realize there is no reason we would be talking about a rich married man pulling in four or five thousand a year.”

“Christ.”

“Do not blasphemy, Mr. Wilson. And I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you already know that I am planning on getting one of the women in this household married to him.”

“Yeah, I’m sure the rich young dandy is just _dying_ to marry a poor country girl. No wonder he moved here.”

“Shut up, Mr. Wilson. It has been known to happen that a boy and a girl can fall in love - or lust, in any case - despite their social standing or income. That is why _you_ are going to visit him when he gets here.”

“I really do not see how that would help things. At all. You go, or have Theresa take the twins. Actually, seriously, have Theresa and the twins go, because if you go, he might take one look at your ugly mug and vomit. And that would not help anyone’s chances of bagging the dandy.”

“You really are an ass, you know that, Mr. Wilson? Besides, I know that I am nothing to look at - not since I got old, anyway. But I do not care about me. I have three grown girls under my care, and I intend to put all my focus in making sure they will live comfortable lives.”

“Well, I mean, I guess I cannot really argue with you there.”

“Exactly. Which is why you _are_ going to see Mr. Guthrie when he comes to our neighborhood.”

“And I still maintain that I would only make things worse.”

“Will you stop thinking of yourself and your mauldin mood over those burn scars on your face? Think about your sister, and your cousins. Think what an establishment it would be for one of them. Sir Erik and Lady Lensherr are determined to go, merely on that account; for in general, you know, they are pretentious assholes. You have to go, otherwise, us genteel womenfolk will not be able to.”

“Like either of us is really buying this proper behavior schtick you are trying to sell. I doubt this Guthrie guy is going to kick you out the door just because you lack man parts - which, honestly, may speak more to his interest in marrying a woman if he _does_ \- but if it makes you feel any better, I will send a few lines by with you assuring him that he can marry any one of the girls he likes. As long as I can tell him to stay far, far away from Theresa.”

“I desire you shall do no such thing. Theresa is the most handsome and kindest of the three, and quick to boot. If he is not in love with her after a few hours, I will kindly kick his rich head in.”

“But that is _why_ I am going to tell him to stay away from her. She is kind and sweet and beautiful and no one is getting their grubby mitts on my sister, rich or not.”

“Mr. Wilson, you are an idiot. Your sister can look after her own virtue, and chasing away possible suitors is harming her more than helping her. Especially the rich ones.”

“She should get a chance to fall in love, Al. Not get pushed towards some dandy just because he has money. And a big house.”

“Do you have any idea how _any_ of this works, or are you just trying to piss me off?”

“Of course I am trying to piss you off. Whether or not I know how the whole ‘if my sister marries rich she will never have another care in the world and love is overrated’ thing you are trying to get across works is completely besides the point.”

“I cannot decide if you are an ass, an idiot, or both.”

“You should probably stop trying to decide then, because I do not think you are ever going to come to answer, even if twenty rich young dandies spring from nowhere mysteriously well adapted for a romantic plotline.”

“Would it matter if twenty rich, available young men showed up if you would not visit any of them?”

“Hey, if there were twenty, I would visit them all.”

Of course, Mr. Wilson meant that he would visit each in turn to threaten them to stay away from his sister, Theresa, but he did not say this aloud. However, having helped to raise Mr. Wilson from boyhood, Blind Albert was well acquainted with his thoughts, and was aware of his meaning. However, at the current moment, she cared very little for the head of the household’s homicidal tendencies. Her business was getting the young ladies of the house married, and would not be deterred by an uncooperative mercenary that happened to employ her.


	2. Volume the First, Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha ha, I decided to pick this up again? For a bit at least. It's a fun exercise, so we'll see how far I get through it.

Mr. Wilson was among the latest of those who waited on Mr. Guthrie. He had never intended to visit, but Albert had nagged him until the last, and he knew he would never hear the end of it if he did not go. However, as he was the most stubborn of assholes, she had no knowledge that he had gone until two days after his return. It was then disclosed in the following manner. Observing one of his cousins employed with embroidering gloves, he suddenly addressed her with-

“What’s with the gloves, Anna Marie? You don’t have life sucking powers in this story.”

“Do not pull your sweet cousin into your nonsense,” Blind Albert said, resentfully, “Do not mind him, dear; Mr. Wilson has taken one too many knocks to the head, truthfully.”

“Ah don’ mind, Al,” said Anna Marie, “Tha gloves hide ma ridin’ calluses. Figure iffen we go t’see this Mr. Guthrie everyone’s kickin’ up a fuss about, they mighten come in handy to make me look dainty-like.”

“I do not believe we will do any such thing. Since Mr. Wilson refuses to go and meet the gentleman, like the dimwitted, uncouth bastard he is, I think we shall never be introduced to Mr. Guthrie just so he can spite me.”

“Oh, good,” said Mr. Wilson, “If you had not discovered this on your own, I was afraid I would have to take more drastic measures.”

Blind Albert made to reply, but was interrupted by a sneeze.

“Kitty! I wish you would stop hiding in the drapery like a phantom, stumbling upon you accidentally will fray my nerves.”

“I think Kitty is more like a cat of shadows than a phantom,” Mr. Wilson said, “Get it? Because her name is-”

“Ah’m sorry, Miss Albert,” replied Katherine Anne, “Ah was just admirin’ the view outside.”

“And Theresa’s next ball is To-morrow fortnight,” cried Albert, “And it will be impossible to introduce the girls to Mr. Guthrie when no one wishes to associate with a crass mercenary like you, Mr. Wilson.”

“Then, you old hag, I guess it is a good thing my face is pitiful enough to put aside my crass nature.”

“Impossible, Mr. Wilson, impossible, when you will not go out and acquaint yourself with the man so he can see your obscenely ugly face.”

“You blind old bat, you do not even know my face is ugly. Perhaps the burn scars have improved it - it has even stopped oozing so much as it used to. Besides, a fortnight - damn, that word sounds way cooler than two weeks - is not much time to really know someone. But I knew if  _ I _ did not venture, than you would continue to nag me until I committed unspeakable acts of violence upon your person. Since I like you, and you cannot be bothered to get up off your old flabby ass and acquaint yourself, I guess I have to do it.”

The girls stared at the head of the household, while Blind Albert said only “It is about time you took some responsibility.”

“I resent that accusation, what could you mean by about time?” cried he. “Do you not consider my years in one hell hole and another, saving nary a coin for myself and sending all my earning back to you and the girls - gladly, might I add - responsible? Was attempting to take in the mother of my child and providing them coin to live here in a stable environment not responsible? I cannot quit agree with you  _ there _ . What say you, Theresa? For you are my sister, and the smartest person I know, since you read great books and write poetry.”

Theresa smiled only, knowing that her brother was kinder hearted than responsible, but knowing also that he would find her compliment distasteful rather than delightful.

“While Theresa is leaving me out to dry,” he continued, “Let us return to Mr. Guthrie.”

“Get on with it already,” cried his housekeeper.

“I shall not, not when you insult me and continue to nag me after I selfishly only did what you requested to stop you from nagging me further. If I had known you were going to be like this two days ago, I would made sure to threaten Mr. Guthrie when I called on him just to spit in your eye. But I did not do such a thing as I thought it would save me your hen-pecking, yet here we are.”

The astonishment of the ladies was not what he had expected; the lack from Blind Albert was exactly as he had expected, as she had known what the outcome would be all the while. 

“How good it was in you, Mr. Wilson. I knew I should persuade you at last. I knew you were shallow and easy to annoy, and that you even you could not possibly so stupid as to neglect such an acquaintance. Well, how pleased I am! Though it surprises me not at all that you would go two days prior and selfishly keep such a thing to yourself only to make me irate. However, I refuse to be angry, as I have gotten my way.”

“Now, Anna Marie, you can make all the daintiest-ass gloves you want,” said Mr. Wilson; and, as he spoke, he left the room, needing to let off some of his temper away from people he cared about. 

“What a right ass of a breadwinner you have, girls,” said Albert, when the door was shut. “I do not know how Theresa is such a kind soul where he is a blemish, nor how we will manage to keep him from threatening Mr. Guthrie long enough for the boy to fall in love. With all his problems, it is a wonder he is as well adjusted as you have seen him. Still, he made the acquaintance he so dearly longed not to, and as you all know how loathe he is to show his face, you know how much he truly cares for all of you. Ellenor, child, you are too young to be married, so do not be angry when you are passed over for dancing at the ball.”

“Oh,” said Ellenor, stoutly, “I will not be angry; for while I will not have a partner, I dance better by myself.”

The rest of the evening was spent in conjecturing how to prevent Mr. Wilson from shooting Mr. Guthrie when he returned the visit, and determining if Mr. Wilson could last an entire dinner with a stranger. 


	3. Volume the First, Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I made an oops that I have gone back and fixed in regards to the identity of Lady Lucas. Lady Hardy has been switched to Lady Lensherr, and instead of using Max Eisenhardt for Sir William, I'm using Erik Lensherr, since I think that's a little more recognizable. Anyways, have the party.

Not that Blind Albert or any of the other women in the house could get Mr. Wilson to give a truthful description of Mr. Guthrie. To Albert he said the man was ugly, to Theresa that he was unkind as well as ugly, to Anna Marie that he was missing all his teeth and hair, to Kitty that he looked three times his age and had arms that extended past his legs, and to Ellenor that he was obviously a werewolf in disguise. They had to rely upon their neighbor, Lady Lensherr, for any answer that did not paint the man as a monster in human skin. Her report was highly favorable. Sir Erik approved of his military service, though reserved further judgement on his character. Lady Lensherr described him as young and naive, while also being handsome and quite agreeable, and, to crown the whole, he meant to be at the next assembly with a large party. Nothing could be more delightful! To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards a boy meeting a girl and confusing lust for love; and very bawdy hopes of Mr. Guthrie’s heart were entertained.

“If I can but see one of these wonderful girls settled at Netherfield,” said Albert to her employers, “and all the others equally well married, I shall finally be able to quit and let you ruin yourself without guilt.”

In a few days Mr. Guthrie returned Mr. Wilson’s visit, but fortunately Mr. Wilson was out using his friend Jack Hammer for target practice. Instead, he sat about ten minutes with Albert in the library. He had entertained hopes of being admitted a sight of the young ladies, of whose beauty he had heard much; but Albert knew allowing them to meet Mr. Guthrie  without the presence of Mr. Wilson would likely lead to violence, so he only saw the housekeeper. The ladies were somewhat more fortunate, for they had the advantage of ascertaining, from an upper window, that he wore a blue coat and rode a blonde horse. 

An invitation to dinner was soon afterwards dispatched; and already Blind Albert had planned courses that would do credit to her housekeeping and convinced Mr. Wilson to leave his weapons outside, when an answer arrived which deferred it all. Mr. Guthrie was obligated to be in town the following day, and consequently unable to accept the honor of their invitation, etc. Blind Albert was quite irritated. She could not imagine what business he could have in town so soon after his arrival in Providence; and she began to fear that he had finally been told of her employers reputation and had decided instead to stay quite far from the young ladies for fear of retaliation. Lady Lensherr quieted her fears a little by starting the idea of his being gone only to get a large party for the ball; and a report soon followed that Mr. Guthrie was to bring twelve ladies and seven gentlemen with him to the assembly. The girls grieved over such a number of ladies; but they were comforted the day before the ball by hearing, that instead of twelve, he had brought only six with him, his five sisters and a cousin. And when the party entered the assembly-room, it consisted of only five altogether; Mr. Bingley, his two sisters, the husband of the eldest, and another, older gentleman. 

Mr. Guthrie was good-looking and gentlemanlike: he had a pleasant countenance, and easy, unaffected manners. His sisters were fine women, with an air of decided fashion. His brother-in-law, Mr. Da Costa, merely looked the gentleman; but his friend Mr. Summers, soon drew the attention of the room by his fine, tall person, steam-powered arm, noble mein, and the knowledge that he was the heir of the notable Summers family finally returned from war, and thus had ten thousand a year. The gentlemen pronounced him to be a fine figure of a man, the ladies declared (not entirely truthfully) that he was much handsomer than Mr. Guthrie, and he was looked at with great admiration for all of the evening, for even his manners were polite if reserved; Mr. Wilson, however, knew Mr. Summers from past wars, and knew that he believed himself to be a great savior, and was likely bored with all the pleasantry and circumstance; and knew that in no circumstances, even his family owning most of the town, would any of the young ladies in his care be close to such a pompous, self-righteous ass. He would even accept the dandy. 

Mr. Guthrie had soon made himself acquainted with all the principle people in the room, due in no small part to Mr. Summers’s aide: however, it was Mr. Guthrie that was lively and unreserved, danced every dance, was angry that the ball closed so early, and talked of giving one himself at Netherfield. Such amiable qualities must speak for themselves. What a contrast between him and his friend! Mr. Summers dance with Mrs. Da Costa and once with Miss Guthrie, declined being reintroduced to any other lady, and spent the rest of the evening walking about the room, speaking only assisting Mr. Guthrie make acquaintances or when spoken to. His character was difficult to ascertain. He was the first Summers to attend an assembly, but made only the barest effort to socialize, and was clearly uninterested in the attentions of eligible women or their mothers. Everybody hoped he would come again and perhaps be persuaded otherwise, but no one was clear on how to turn his head. The only person against him, and violently so, was Mr. Wilson, whose dislike of his general person was sharpened into particular resentment, by his having slighted the young ladies in his care. 

Mr. Wilson had been obligated, by the ugliness of his face and unpleasantness of his demeanor, to hide in the shadowy corners of the room; during part of that time, Mr. Summers had been standing near enough to overhear a conversation between him and Mr. Guthrie, who came from the dance a for a few minutes to press his friend to join it. 

“Come, Summers,” said he, “I must have you dance. This is your hometown, and you were the one to invite me to it. Everyone seems happy to have you here, you will disappoint them.”

“I certainly shall not. If I were to dance, it would give the impression that I was was seeking a romantic partner, which you are aware I am not. At an assembly as this, rumor would spread to the surrounding countryside within a day. Your sisters are engaged, and there is not another woman in the room who would not be given the wrong impression were I to offer.”

“I would not be so fastidious as you are,” cried Guthrie, “for a kingdom! Upon my honor, I never met with so many pleasant girls in my life as I have this evening; and there are several of them, you see, uncommonly pretty. Perhaps one will turn your head by surprise.”

“It is true that you are dancing with the most handsome girl in the room,” said Mr. Summers, looking at Theresa Wilson. 

_ Goddamn right she is, _ Mr. Wilson thought, nursing a brandy and just barely restraining himself from commenting. 

“Oh, she is the most beautiful creature I ever beheld! But she has two cousins as well, who are clearly too young for a gentleman of your age to consider marrying. Do let me ask my partner to introduce you.”

Mr. Wilson drank to keep himself from laughing at the obvious joke that Mr. Summers was old.  _ At least the dandy has good tastes. _

“There is something you should know, Sam,” and looking over the crowd, he spotted the Wilson girls dancing and generally enjoying the festivities, “The girls certainly seem friendly, but I have discovered they are under the care of Wade Wilson; a mercenary of ill repute I had had the unfortunate luck of meeting during the war. Theresa is his sister. As pleasant as they may be, I would advise caution in forming an acquaintance too easily.”

Mr. Guthrie frowned at his friend’s warning, “I have met with this Mr. Wilson, and although odd and perhaps blunt, I did not find such grievous character flaws as you seem to be implying.”

“Perhaps you would remember him better by his alias, Deadpool.”

_ Oh, that is it _ , Mr. Wilson decided, tossing his glass away. 

The sound of breaking glass drew the attention of Mr. Guthrie and Mr. Summers, the former of whom looked surprised and the latter of whom appeared unimpressed. 

“Nice to see you again, too,  _ Cable _ ,” said Mr. Wilson, approaching the pair and pointing an accusing finger at the taller man’s chest, “though I would ask you  _ kindly _ to refrain from talking about my family, since you do not know shit about them in a depowered alternate universe like this.”

Mr. Summers arched a brow, “As is usual, I understood very little of what you have to say.”

“What I have to say is that if you speak badly about Theresa or the other girls again, an arm is no the only limb you will have lost, but it will have been the least painful.”

Mr. Summers made no reply, merely looking to his younger companion knowingly. 

“Mr. Wilson, there you are at last,” said Blind Albert, appearing at the man’s elbow and dragging him away, “There is a matter of utmost importance that requires your attention  _ very far away _ .”

Mr. Wilson refused to move at first, continuing to glare at the offending non-telepath, before allowing his better judgement to rule that this was far too public a place to start a round of fisticuffs with the town’s golden boy. He allowed Blind Albert to escort him out of the assembly-room, and returned home in a dark mood alleviated by property damage performed along the way. 

Mr. Guthrie chose not to follow his friend’s advice, brushing off the altercation as a man defending the honor of his family; which is a noble pursuit, even when accompanied by the threat of great violence which the younger man was convinced was bravado. 

The evening altogether passed off pleasantly for the rest of the family. Blind Albert had heard her eldest charge much admired by the Netherfield party. Mr. Guthrie had danced with her twice, and she had been distinguished by his sisters. Theresa was as much gratified by this as her housekeeper could be, though in a quieter way. Later, Mr. Wilson was glad at his sister’s pleasure. Ellenor had spent her time in childish pursuits suitable for a girl her age; and Anna Marie and Katherine had been fortunate enough to never be without partners, which was all that they had yet learnt to care for at a ball. They returned, therefore, in good spirits to Greenville, the village where they lived, and of which they were the principal inhabitants. They found Mr. Wilson still up. With a book he was ripping the pages out of, he was regardless of time; and on the present occasion he had a good deal of curiosity as to the conclusion of an event which had raised such splendid expectations. He vainly hoped that an incident had occurred after his departure that had disappointed all of his housekeeper’s views on the stranger; but he soon found that he had the cliched story to hear. 

“Oh, you bastard, Mr. Wilson,” as she entered the room, “we have had a most delightful evening, a most excellent ball, in spite of your short temper. Theresa was so admired, nothing could be like it. Every body said how well she looked; and Mr. Guthrie thought her quite beautiful, and danced with her twice. Only think of  _ that _ , you ass: he actually danced with her twice; she was the only creature in the room he asked a second time, even after your murderous vent on Mr. Summers. First of all, since I doubt you were paying attention, he asked Miss Lensherr. I was so vexed to see him stand up with her; but, however, he did not admire her at all; and he seemed quite struck with Theresa as she was going down the dance. So he enquired who she was, and got introduced, and asked her for the two next. Then, the two third he danced with Miss Temple, and the two fourth with Wanda Lensherr, and the two fifth with Theresa again, and the two sixth with Anna Marie, and the  _ Boulanger- _ ”

“First, you old hag, I  _ was _ paying attention,” said her employer, impatiently, “and neither of us gives a shit about all this dancing, which you are only recounting to annoy me.” 

“Obviously,” continued Albert, “At least the boy has good taste and pleasant manners. From what I hear, he is also  _ excessively _ handsome, and his sisters are charming women. Ellenor went on and on about how fine their dresses were. The lace on Mrs. Da Costa’s gown-”

Here she was interrupted again. Mr. Wilson threatened to gouge out his own eyes at any description of finery. She was therefore obligated to seek another branch of the subject, and related, with much bitterness of spirit and some exaggeration, the events which had transpired after Mr. Wilson’s shocking rudeness.

“Mr. Summers left, and more is the pity. I know you two do not get on, but could you image the money we would have if he were to take fancy to one of the girls? He is one of the richest, most well connected men in town, with an  _ honorable _ military record and such a distinguished air. He appeared a little conceited to me, which is why, I imagine, you do not take kindly to him, but not half so much as his father, who has less to be conceited about than his more accomplished son in any case. He is likely more set against us than he was prior to your threatening, but I suppose there was no helping it in either case. We will simply have to give up on the man.”

“Good,” said Mr. Wilson, cutting open a pillow and scattering the insides across the floor, “For I quite detest the man.”


End file.
